Self realization #913839821 this morning:
If I don't tell other my emotions, dreams, passions and desires in my own life's plan than how are they ever going to know where to follow me? I know people that want to follow me, have requested to follow me, and desire to be with me on my life's path but I continue to ignore them with a blindfold on.
I'm being incredibly selfish. I need to lean on people, I need to open up my mouth, I need to start walking the path I want to be down. I can't continue to be scared of what others reactions with me will be and start living in my own happiness.
12/14/2012
Self Exploration through Quotes
“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.”
― Mark Twain
“That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending - performing. You get to love your pretence. It's true, we're locked in an image, an act - and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you're trying to steal their most precious possession.”
― Jim Morrison
“Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.”
― Iyanla Vanzant
“I don't want to see anyone. I lie in the bedroom with the curtains drawn and nothingness washing over me like a sluggish wave. Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. I have done something wrong, something so huge I can't even see it, something that's drowning me. I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead.”
― Margaret Atwood, Cat's Eye
“You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don't know it, all of that doesn't even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It's not like you have forever, so don't waste any of your seconds, don't throw even one of your moments away.”
― C. JoyBell C.
“The price tag that you put on your soul will determine the people and circumstances in which you find yourself.”
― Shannon L. Alder
“We're always taught that God wants us to always only say "I can't do this without You God" , "Whatever your will is God, that's my will too" but God says He is a father, and there is no good father who wants his children to have no will and to think that they can't stand on their own two feet. So maybe what you should be saying is "I can do it" and "I have a strong will, I know what I want." When you think God's left you and wants you to be sitting like a duck, maybe He's actually believing in you, teaching you how to fly.”
― C. JoyBell C.
“You've got to say what you mean and mean what you say...Doubt in your voice is an open door people will shove right through.”
― Deb Caletti, The Six Rules of Maybe
“Tell me what a person finds sexually attractive and I will tell you their entire philosophy of life. Show me the person they sleep with and I will tell you their valuation of themselves.”
― Ayn Rand
“There's something AMAZING about you. You owe it to yourself to fulfill your destiny. You were put on earth for a reason. Don't betray yourself because of other people opinions of who you should be. God has already implanted within you who you MEANT to be. Trust your gut instincts.”
― Yvonne Pierre,
“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe
“Love isn’t meant to be hidden away and life is too short for shame.”
― Jay Bell, Something Like Summer
“There will be a few times in your life when all your instincts will tell you to do something, something that defies logic, upsets your plans, and may seem crazy to others. When that happens, you do it. Listen to your instincts and ignore everything else. Ignore logic, ignore the odds, ignore the complications, and just go for it.”
― Judith McNaught, Remember When
“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”
― Mother Teresa
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
― Abraham Lincoln
“Promise Yourself
To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.
To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.”
― Christian D. Larson, Your Forces and How to Use Them
― Mark Twain
“That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending - performing. You get to love your pretence. It's true, we're locked in an image, an act - and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you're trying to steal their most precious possession.”
― Jim Morrison
“Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.”
― Iyanla Vanzant
“I don't want to see anyone. I lie in the bedroom with the curtains drawn and nothingness washing over me like a sluggish wave. Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. I have done something wrong, something so huge I can't even see it, something that's drowning me. I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead.”
― Margaret Atwood, Cat's Eye
“You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don't know it, all of that doesn't even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It's not like you have forever, so don't waste any of your seconds, don't throw even one of your moments away.”
― C. JoyBell C.
“The price tag that you put on your soul will determine the people and circumstances in which you find yourself.”
― Shannon L. Alder
“We're always taught that God wants us to always only say "I can't do this without You God" , "Whatever your will is God, that's my will too" but God says He is a father, and there is no good father who wants his children to have no will and to think that they can't stand on their own two feet. So maybe what you should be saying is "I can do it" and "I have a strong will, I know what I want." When you think God's left you and wants you to be sitting like a duck, maybe He's actually believing in you, teaching you how to fly.”
― C. JoyBell C.
“You've got to say what you mean and mean what you say...Doubt in your voice is an open door people will shove right through.”
― Deb Caletti, The Six Rules of Maybe
“Tell me what a person finds sexually attractive and I will tell you their entire philosophy of life. Show me the person they sleep with and I will tell you their valuation of themselves.”
― Ayn Rand
“There's something AMAZING about you. You owe it to yourself to fulfill your destiny. You were put on earth for a reason. Don't betray yourself because of other people opinions of who you should be. God has already implanted within you who you MEANT to be. Trust your gut instincts.”
― Yvonne Pierre,
“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe
“Love isn’t meant to be hidden away and life is too short for shame.”
― Jay Bell, Something Like Summer
“There will be a few times in your life when all your instincts will tell you to do something, something that defies logic, upsets your plans, and may seem crazy to others. When that happens, you do it. Listen to your instincts and ignore everything else. Ignore logic, ignore the odds, ignore the complications, and just go for it.”
― Judith McNaught, Remember When
“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”
― Mother Teresa
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
― Abraham Lincoln
“Promise Yourself
To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.
To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.”
― Christian D. Larson, Your Forces and How to Use Them
Silence Sometimes Screams
The Sound Of Silence
P. Simon, 1964
Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence
In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turn my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence
And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never shared
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence
"Fools," said I, "you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence
And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sound of silence
Ever create so much self destruction in your own life that you wonder how you're still standing?
I dont know where ground zero is anymore. I'm just floating through life, allowing outside influence bump me into actions. I need to stand on my own, I need to figure out what I want.
12/06/2012
Disappear
Katy B - Disappear lyrics
So sad that we have lost all our
Innocence*
Something that was pure is now
Covered in red
Tainted by the role to become a Woman
I thought that it'll cure
So why am I still walking... towards
You?
Right, left, my feet are
But how can I change direction
Innocence*
Something that was pure is now
Covered in red
Tainted by the role to become a Woman
I thought that it'll cure
So why am I still walking... towards
You?
Right, left, my feet are
But how can I change direction
When you smile at me, I'm infected
Now should we lie to keep each
Other here
Or tell the truth and burn
Are you the man I thought you were
Or is there more to learn
And this would be unfair to tell you that
The whole of me is here
'Cause I woke up one day to find that
I have disappeared
I have disappeared
I have disappeared
I have disappeared
The way that we would die
I look into your eye
I wouldn't get a dime
Now I don't see the fire
Tainted by the role to become the man
You let me where you can
Like you didn't give a damn
It's mad
How something so real
Could be so conditional
But how can I change direction
When you smile at me, I'm infected
Now should we lie to keep each
Other here
Or tell the truth and burn
Am I the girl you thought I was
Or is there more to learn?
And this would be unfair to tell you
That
The whole of me is here
I woke up one day to find that I have
Disappeared
I have disappeared
I have disappeared
I have disappeared
Now should we lie to keep each
Other here
Or tell the truth and burn
Are you the man I thought you were
Or is there more to learn
And this would be unfair to tell you that
The whole of me is here
'Cause I woke up one day to find that
I have disappeared
I have disappeared
I have disappeared
I have disappeared
The way that we would die
I look into your eye
I wouldn't get a dime
Now I don't see the fire
Tainted by the role to become the man
You let me where you can
Like you didn't give a damn
It's mad
How something so real
Could be so conditional
But how can I change direction
When you smile at me, I'm infected
Now should we lie to keep each
Other here
Or tell the truth and burn
Am I the girl you thought I was
Or is there more to learn?
And this would be unfair to tell you
That
The whole of me is here
I woke up one day to find that I have
Disappeared
I have disappeared
I have disappeared
I have disappeared
Now today we have [?] turned out
Just fine
But I'm scared about tomorrow
Where I must store in my sorrow
If it's not here to taste he pride
To live, to feel
Is it real?
Is it real?
I woke up one day to find that I was
Gone
Where is the fun?
Where did our hearts go?
I can't find you, no
12/05/2012
Just reading through previous posts... Certain ones stood out to me still:
Time passes in moments... moments which, rushing past, define the path of a life, just as surely as they lead towards its end.
How rarely do we stop to examine that path, to see the reasons why all things happen, to consider whether the path we take in life is our own making, or simply one into which we drift with eyes closed.
But what if we could stop, pause; to take stock of each precious moment before it passes?
Might we then see the endless forks in the road that have shaped a life?
And, seeing those choices, choose another path?
&
Life is beautiful, Life is bright... but I'm standing. searching. alone.
I'm sick of saying sorry for not being depressed or overly excusing myself. This needs to stop in my growth of becoming more of the person I feel I need to be.
Time passes in moments... moments which, rushing past, define the path of a life, just as surely as they lead towards its end.
How rarely do we stop to examine that path, to see the reasons why all things happen, to consider whether the path we take in life is our own making, or simply one into which we drift with eyes closed.
But what if we could stop, pause; to take stock of each precious moment before it passes?
Might we then see the endless forks in the road that have shaped a life?
And, seeing those choices, choose another path?
&
Life is beautiful, Life is bright... but I'm standing. searching. alone.
I'm sick of saying sorry for not being depressed or overly excusing myself. This needs to stop in my growth of becoming more of the person I feel I need to be.
Forks divided
I feel like i'm being pulled in many directions.
I have a life that I lead, I feel in control of that. This holds no grey areas. This life is black or white. Right or Wrong.
There's other lives.... one with no obligations, one with pure passions, one with greed....
I want to be decluttered of all these rambling thoughts. I feel stuck in unhappiness. This sounds like depression I know but truly I don't feel depressed, I generally feel happy and content with life but still feel constantly pulled by these lives. I just want life to even out, lead to one path and have all my lives be put into one. I don't like holding anything back but feel pressured to hold many things back and tucked away.
I'm sick too my soul with hiding, tucking and pleasing other people. Life is happening too fast and my faster it goes the more lost I become in my own thoughts. I'm losing sense of myself...Who do I truly want to be?
I have a life that I lead, I feel in control of that. This holds no grey areas. This life is black or white. Right or Wrong.
There's other lives.... one with no obligations, one with pure passions, one with greed....
I want to be decluttered of all these rambling thoughts. I feel stuck in unhappiness. This sounds like depression I know but truly I don't feel depressed, I generally feel happy and content with life but still feel constantly pulled by these lives. I just want life to even out, lead to one path and have all my lives be put into one. I don't like holding anything back but feel pressured to hold many things back and tucked away.
I'm sick too my soul with hiding, tucking and pleasing other people. Life is happening too fast and my faster it goes the more lost I become in my own thoughts. I'm losing sense of myself...Who do I truly want to be?
11/27/2012
Not Forgotten
Its been awhile.
I almost forgot about this.
A lot of things have changed since my last post. we've moved again but that should come as no surprise. We actually have our own home now. I regretted the choice at first base on the amount of work that needed to be put into the house but if anything it just made the bond stronger to it. I care about this house a lot. A lot of time, effort, thought and work have gone into making it too even where it is today and there's still plenty to do.
Instead of dreading that like i have in the past, I look forward to it. I discover something new about it all the time it seems. Change my mind about a certain attitude towards it, or idea as well.
That thought apply to my life as well. It's .... "funny" to me how a simple thing like watching a movie or hearing a song can totally change my mood. I've been feeling very restless lately. I know why... but the reasons effect me greatly. Mot as greatly as one would expect though, I know i'm sounding cryptic but... secrets are meant to be hidden sometimes...
Watching the movie: The Secret of Kells this morning made me feel peaceful. Made me feel creative, calmed and settled. It made me feel like myself. Something that has been lacking lately.
Also these songs : Lana Del Ray - Born to Die & Major Lazer- Get Free have this effect on me last as well.
I think i'll be writing more... we'll see.
I almost forgot about this.
A lot of things have changed since my last post. we've moved again but that should come as no surprise. We actually have our own home now. I regretted the choice at first base on the amount of work that needed to be put into the house but if anything it just made the bond stronger to it. I care about this house a lot. A lot of time, effort, thought and work have gone into making it too even where it is today and there's still plenty to do.
Instead of dreading that like i have in the past, I look forward to it. I discover something new about it all the time it seems. Change my mind about a certain attitude towards it, or idea as well.
That thought apply to my life as well. It's .... "funny" to me how a simple thing like watching a movie or hearing a song can totally change my mood. I've been feeling very restless lately. I know why... but the reasons effect me greatly. Mot as greatly as one would expect though, I know i'm sounding cryptic but... secrets are meant to be hidden sometimes...
Watching the movie: The Secret of Kells this morning made me feel peaceful. Made me feel creative, calmed and settled. It made me feel like myself. Something that has been lacking lately.
Also these songs : Lana Del Ray - Born to Die & Major Lazer- Get Free have this effect on me last as well.
I think i'll be writing more... we'll see.
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