Life as the (wo)man on the side

We went and saw Proto Mans parents last night. We have a long going problems with them. It mostly is stemming from the point where we all avoid talking about things. There's so much history to this tale but i don't want to necessary get into it. Now it's just at the point of "playing nice" with each other. Avoiding each others feelings. Not getting to emotional one way or another in any circumstance. Yes there is no conflict or annoyance anymore but how long can this last? Do i want it to last b/c it's somewhat peaceful? Why do we all have to pretend and not act as adults?

I am also feeling that my personal feelings are being avoided in many relationships. Its getting to me as well. I almost feel as if everyone loves the fact that I'm a great stand-by for support, love, opinions, advice and laughter but then once they get their fill I get tossed aside until they need me again. But in the meantime I hang in endless limbo from feeling restless all the time.

I have long envisioned many moments of my life as a painting or a picture in my head. Different stages come through differently and i can all recollect them or tie them to certain times but I only have occasionally printed them. As a brief example this is how I feel like my life is now:

Life is beautiful, Life is bright... but I'm standing. searching. alone.

I know I'm not alone in the sense of spiritually but it's most a psychological point from here.

Man these blog posts are depressing lately. Really I am not depressed and moody, because generally I keep happy and love living my life and moments with in it. Its just I'm getting caught up in moments where I can't help but feel small and forgotten.